I Can Change
by Castielmyangel143
Summary: AU. Castiel leaves Dean after years of Dean coming home drunk and beating him, but this time Dean hits thier daughter and thats when Castiel loses his will power to live this life. Dean/Castiel Sam/Gabriel.
1. Chapter 1

It was very late and Castiel was waiting for Dean to come home. Like any other day Cas knew Dean would be shit faced drunk when he got home but at least Lucy was asleep. Lucy was their three year old adopted daughter who was the world to Dean and him. Castiel sighed and leaned into the couch and looked up at the ceiling tears stinging his eyes, he didn't want to live like this any more it was to much. taking the beatings he didn't deserve, he loved Dean he really did but this was just to much for him to live with. He would never fight back because he knew it would just make Dean punch harder.

When he heard the Impala he wiped his eyes and walk toward the front door stopping by the stairs for Dean. The door opened and Dean stumbled in Castiel stepped forward in case Dean fell but was met with a punch to the jaw. He stumbled back catching himself on the railing of the staircase, Dean slammed the door behind him and yanked Cas up by the front of his shirt.

Castiel grabbed Deans wrist "Dean... please" he begged fighting back tears, Dean threw him into the wall. He bounced of with a loud '_thud_', he tried to pick himself up off the floor but Dean kicked him in the gut. Castiel felt something snap inside him and he cried out in pain, and without thinking dropped kick Dean to the ground. He quickly got up and ran toward the living room, but Dean gabbed him by the arm and slammed him against the wall face first. He then grabbed Cas by a clump of his hair and began to slam his head into the wall.

Suddenly there was a pull on Deans jacket "Stop it" a little voice said and Castiel's heart stopped. Dean grew aggravated and threw his hand back slapping Lucy. She fell to the floor with a cry and stopped moving.

"No!" Castiel said and pushed Dean down so he could get to their daughter, when Dean hit the floor he saw his daughter limp on the floor. He sobered up pretty quick after he saw her face.

"Oh god." he said and reached for her but Castiel pulled her away, he lifted her up into her arms tears streaming down his bruised bloody face. "Cas... oh god Cas I..." he said standing and following Castiel as he headed for the front door. "Cas wait please" he said following him to the car, Castiel opened the door to his Honda and placed Lucy in the backseat "Castiel talk to me"

"Why" his said in a firm tone and turned to face Dean "There is nothing to say Dean I can take the punches and the kicks that I don't deserve but Lucy is your daughter Dean and I'm sorry but I am done." he said tears still falling from his eyes as they formed in Deans. Castiel looked Down at his hand and took his wedding ring off and gave it to Dean " I will not let you ruin her life with your problem" he said and got into the car.

"Cas please don't go please!" Dean begged but Castiel just drove away.

~three weeks later~

"Dean you saw this coming" Sam said shaking his head at his brother.

"Don't you think I feel bad enough Sam!" Dean said " I don't even know where they are or if Lucy's okay" he said his voice weak.

Sam sighed "he's with me and Gabriel" he said.

Dean shot him a look "What?" he shouted "Why didn't you tell me?... Sam you know I am worried about them"

"I know Dean but he made me promise and with the way his face was torn to shit I said yes" Sam said.

Dean sighed and leaned back "Fine is... is Lucy okay?" he asked Sam frowned and bowed his head.

"Sam is Lucy okay?"

"She hasn't spoken since that night" he said lifting his head "Shes also been waking up screaming for the past three weeks" he said plainly.

"Oh god" Dean breathed covering his face with his hands, he breathed for a moment. "I'm never gonna see her again am I?"

Sam sighed "That's not up to me" he said " and you damn lucky I kept Gabriel from killing your ass" he said.

"Great now Gabe hates my guts" Dean said "Could this get any worse?"

"actually I think it can"

Dean laughed darkly "it was a rhetorical Question Sam... but go ahead try and make it worse"

"Cas is filing for a divorce"

Dean looked at the floor and started to cry silently "Okay I'm losing everything" he said when Sam's phone went off.

"Hello"

"_Sam I need you home right away"_

"What why I think I need to spent more time with Dean"

" _I understand that but I need you to go home right now to watch Lucy"_

"Gabriel what are you talking about Cas is there"

"_No Cas is... is in the hospital right now"_

"What! What are you talking about"

"_I don't no Sam I just left for a minute... oh god it's all my fault" _

Sam could heard Gabriel begin to cry "honey don't cry... I'll be home soon okay just give me a call when you calm down okay"

"_Okay... I love you Sam"_

"I love you to bye" Sam said and closed his phone. "I have to leave" he said and stood.

Dean stood with him "Wait whats wrong?"he asked wiping his eyes.

"Nothing Gabe just needs me home is all" he said looking at the floor.

"Sam I can tell when your lying now whats wrong?" he said.

"Cas is in the hospital" he said.

"What why?"

"Don't know okay I have to get home now... Dean stay away from the hospital please" Sam begged.

"Okay I won't go near the hospital" he said.

~o~

Dean walked into the hospital and the first thing he saw was Gabriel near the front desk. Unfortunately Gabriel saw him as well, "You... what gives you the right to be here" he said

"The fact that my husband is in the hospital"Dean said.

"He's not your husband any more" Gabriel snapped back.

Dean sighed "Gabe please I have to talk to him"

"Look if it were up to me I'd say fine, but Cas doesn't want anything to do with you anymore Dean" he said his tone a little softer.

"Gabriel please" Dean said.

Gabriel sighed and thought for a moment "Room 265" he said.

Dean made his way down the hall to Castiels room. When he saw Cas the first thing he saw were the bandages on his wrist "Cas" Dean breath. Castiel tried to kill himself and it was all Deans fault, Dean took a step forward and Castiel turn his head to find Dean.

"Dean?" he said sitting up.

"Cas we need to.."

"Go away!" Castiel interrupted.

"Cas please I've changed okay I stopped drinking I'm going to AA please just give me another chance"

"I gave you to many chances Dean, but... you hit our daughter our three year old daughter and I can't let you put her in danger anymore" Castiel said plainly. "Now please leave!"

Dean was now close to the bed "And what let you kill yourself in front of her!" he shouted.

"You don't know me anymore Dean I have changed more than you will ever know!" he shouted back "and this being in the hospital is because of you because I couldn't bring myself to hurt you only knowing it would just make you hurt me more and I can't take it anymore okay so please Dean stay away from me and Lucy because you will never see us again!"

Dean never let his teas fall as he left the hospital without a word to Gabriel.


	2. first words

Castiel was back at home living with Sam and Gabriel. When he walked through the door Lucy ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his legs. "Hey honey" he said bending down and lifting her up and resting her on his hip. She was smiling at him, but still didn't say a word Castiel smiled back. He was still depressed about his family being apart, but his daughter was safe now.

Gabriel walked in with Sam next to him looking at him. "Cas we need to talk" Gabriel said and Castiel frown and told Lucy to play in the other room before setting her down. They sat down at the kitchen table "Cas we're worried that Lucy may... may become mute if we don't get her help" Sam said.

Castiel sighed "I'm know but she may get over this maybe it's her way of co..." he began.

"Cas this isn't a phase that will pass she is dramatized by what happened that night" Gabriel interrupted . He then looked at his hands that were folded on the table " me and Sam thought that it would be a good idea if she goes to children's therapy" he said.

"What no my daughter does not need a shrink!" Castiel said furious "The last thing she needs is somebody trying to make her remember that nigh... hopefully she won't remember anything not Dean or what happened" He said.

Sam sighed "Cas that might not happen this could really damage her social skills" Sam explained.

Castiel laughed a little "What social skills Sam shes three she still has time to learn social skills"

"Cas you have to be able to trust people to have people skills. I don't no about you, but if my father punched me in the face I wouldn't trust anyone" Sam said then regretted it when Gabriel nudged his shoulder to tell him to stop and look. When Sam turned to look Lucy was standing there a picture in her hand and tears streaming down her face, she had her eyes closed as her tiny fist gripped the paper tighter.

Gabriel got up and walked over to her as Cas glared at Sam. Gabriel crotch down "Honey he didn't..." he place a hand on her shoulder and she hit the floor and started to scream. She scooted back until she was up against the island in the middle of the kitchen. She folder in on herself until all she was only a sobbing ball on the floor, Castie rushed over to his screaming daughter. When he tried to pull her into his arms she kick him as hard as she could and thrashed her arms and legs, she screamed louder with sobs here and there.

Castiel was afraid that she would hit her head "Lucy calm down please!" he yelled over her screams. She just got louder, if that was even possible. He fought against her grabbing her leg, and dodging kicks pulled her into his arms. He held her arms down and rocked her back and forth to calm her down.

Her screaming died down and Gabriel slowly approached them as if the were a scared animal. He knelt down and place a hand on his brothers shoulder as a tear fell down his face. What was she turning into , his only daughter was going to be schizophrenic, he couldn't take this.

~four weeks later~

Dean was sitting alone in his house his body telling him to go and get shit faced drunk, but he knew if he was ever going to get his family back he could fail. He took in a deep breath when there was a knock on the door. Dean sighed and got up to answer it, but when he opened the door he found Castiel looking angry and tired.

"Cas?" he said frowning.

"She's gone Dean" he said his voice shaking a bit "She is my daughter."

Deans eyes widened with worry "Lucy is she okay?" he asked.

Castiel laughed, Dean winced at the sound. There was something broken about it, like he was laughing so he didn't cry. "No Dean she isn't okay she's..." he pause looking down.

"Cas she' what!" Dean demanded.

"She is a god damn schizophrenic that's what!" he shouted "We took her for a psych exam and a certain thing sets her into a... a fit" he said looking at Dean with tear filled eyes. "That certain thing is you" he choked out. Dean let out a shaky breath, Castiel wiped his eyes "I'm sorry Dean but you can't see Lucy ever again Because... because I don't think she can take it" He said then turned around and walked away, he flinched when he heard the Door slam shut.

Dean leaned against the door and slid down till his knees met his chest, he wrapped his arms around himself and cried for the first time since he was a teenager he just sat there and cried. He just lost everything in his life that mattered to him, Cas, and Lucy. He was never gonna get them back, for a moment he almost went to grab a bottle of his favorite Whiskey. He stopped himself and looked at the bottle in his hand. This was the reason Cas left him, the reason he lost everything, the only thing stopping him from moving on with his life.

He threw the bottle as hard as he could against the wall an planned his new life for the future.

~o~

When Castiel got back to Sam and Gabe's house he ran up to the guest room, and locked the door behind him laying on his bed. Hugging his pillow for comfort he couldn't find in anyone, but the man he just shut out of his life for ever and there was no going back. After all this was for thei... his daughter.

Then there was a light tapping on his door, he got up and opened it expecting Sam or Gabriel only it was his daughter. He quickly wiped his eyes before crouching down to be eye leave with her. "Sweetie what are you doing up?" he asked and started to lift her into his arms, not waiting for an answer.

"I...I d..don't w..want y..you .t..to .w..worry" she stuttered. She place her hand on his chest right over his heart, "I.. I b...be o...okay" she said starting to cry in his arms.

He held her close and cradled her hand, "Oh honey it's okay" he said his voice cracking as he tried not to cry. "I'll be fine okay" he reassured her "Come on lets go to bed" he said walking over to his bed and laying down with Lucy on his chest.

This was his new life, he wound buy a new house away from Dean. Probably some where near here it's three hours away from Dean, it has a good school and Gabriel and Sam will always be here. That was the plan keep Lucy away from Dean and hope she forgets that he was ever a part in her life. He rubbed small soothing circles on her back as he thought his new life through.

~o~

I'm sorry I know it's short but there is more the next few chapters will be going by years. So just so you don't get confused when you read it.


	3. one year later

It was Lucys fourth birthday today and Castiel asked Sam and Gabriel to keep her busy while he got the house ready, and all the guest were there. The guests were Castiels older brother Lucifer, the one Lucys named after, John and Mary Castiel wasn't gonna keep their Granddaughter away from them because of something their son did and Castiels parent's hate him. Then there will be some women from his new job. Castiel liked his job it was a good paying job and he was saving up to by a new house for Lucy and him.

Castiel was setting the table when the door bell rang, he quickly rush to the door to answer it.

"Hi Castiel dear" Mary greeted him John next to her holding a few bags full of gifts.

Castiel smiled "Hi Mary, John" he said hugging Mary then grabbing a few bags from John, and leading them to the gift table. "I'm so glad you could make it" he said.

"We wouldn't miss it for the world... and Mary was stubborn and wouldn't let me stay home" John said laughing when Mary hit his arm.

"John you acted like it's torture being here"

"Mary I don't like crowds of people it's hard to see what everyone is doing"

"Oh because everyone is so suspicious" she rolled her eyes at him then handing him the video camera "Who are to film everything" she said.

"Yes Mary" he smiled and took the camera.

"Castiel honey do you need help with anything?"

"Castiel looked around and sighed "Yeah could you help me put the snacks on the tables outside" he said and walked to the kitchen to grab the trays.

Mary grabbed two trays, she took a deep breath "He misses you two you know" she said quietly waiting for a reaction.

Castiel smiled "Who?"

Mary sighed "You know who" she said and Castiel frowned and put the trays down and braced his hands on the counter.

"Mary please not today don't do this today" he pleaded.

"I'm just saying he should be here" she said and left the kitchen to take the trays outside. Castiel took a deep breath and walked outside with the trays as well.

After a few minutes the house was filled with friends and family. Castiel was so happy Lucifer was here, but couldn't get what Mary said out of his head. Castiel was broken from thought when the door bell rang. When he answered it he saw his good friend Molly holding a box with pink wrapping paper.

"Hi Castiel sorry I'm late Bill had something to do so I had to pick up Sean, and somebody was stubborn and had to get a gift before we got here" she said turning to show her son who was shyly hiding behind her.

Castiel smiled at the little boy holding a small purple bag with tissue paper sticking out the top. He kept his head down his hair long and shaped to his head has if it were half a coconut, its black color showing how pale his face was.

"No it's fine Lucy will have another kid at her party this way I'm glad you could come Sean" he said and took their gifts and put them on the table with the rest of the gifts. When Sam and Gabriel pulled into the driveway everyone got quiet and looked at the door.

When they opened the door Lucy jumped behind Sam when everyone yelled 'surprise'. After she got use to the people she stopped hiding and walked around until she found her favorite uncle.

Lucifer lifted her into his arms and kissed her cheek. "How are you munchin" he said.

She smiled and looked down "F..fine" she stuttered. "H... hows a..about y...you?"

He smiled "I'm fine I'm just glad I got to see my favorite niece" he said.

She giggled "I,,I'm y...your o..only n...niece" she said.

"All the more reason to be my favorite" he said then saw Castiel coming toward them. "Oh no it's your Dad" he said with a smile.

"Lucifer glad to see you may I have my daughter?" he asked holding his arms out for her.

Lucifer held her close moving her away from Castiel protectively "No I'm kidnapping her now she is mine" he said sticking his tongue out at his brother. Castel smiled at his brother before stepping forward, Lucifer turned so his back faced Castiel. Castiel saw Lucy smiling and giggling at him.

"Oh you think this is funny" he said and she nodded. "Oh well if you think that this is funny watch this" he said and squeezed his brothers sides causing him the burst with laughter, and flinching away.

"Castiel I'm warning you" he said.

"What are you gonna do you can't fight back with a kid in your hands now can you"

Lucifer whispered something in Lucy's ear before gently placing her down. "Bring it" he said and Lucy ran off into the backyard , Castiel dodged his brother and chanced after her. "Oh no you don't" Lucifer said when he ran out in front of Castiel.

Castiel stopped to fast and his feet slid out from under him, Lucifer smiled down at him panting "You always were the fast one" he said. "Now for revenge on tickling me" he said.

"Lucifer" he said looking up at him with a smiled "Now lets be reasonable here" he said.

Lucifer was about to say something when he got tackled to the ground by Gabe who Came out of no were. Lucifer looked up at his brother who was pining him down"where the hell did you come from?" he ask.

Gabe smiled "Your mom" he answered plainly, "Now why are you picking on Cassy?"

"Don't call me that" Castiel whined as he stood up.

Gabriel shot him a look " I can let him back up you know"

"No no that's fine I have to go find my daughter." he said and walked to where he thinks his daughter went.

Lucy ran under a picnic table the table cloth hiding her perfectly she thought. She leaned back and sighed when she heard someone behind her. When she turned around she saw a boy crawling under the table. She sat there silent and waited.

Sean looked up and saw her "Oh hi you must be Lucy I'm Sean" he said but Lucy didn't answer or look at him. He sat in front of her to try and become her friend "not much of a talker are you?" he joked but silence was all he heard.

After a moment he sighed looking down at his hands, when he looked up he got a flash of bright green eye. Lucy was looking at his, but only for a moment wondering why the boy was here. Lucy wanted so much to talk to him, but she kept her mouth shut because of the way she was.

Sean sighed again hoping she would say something, why was she so shy was it something he said or did he do something to upset her. He saw her bring her knees to her chest, _'oh no she scared of me' _he thought to himself. He had to calm her down, but how if Castiel sees her like this he will hate him. Sean figured he could only do one thing. "You don't know how you met me you don't know why you can turn around and say goodbye." he started to sing and her head shot up. He smiled at her "Can you sing?" he asked. She shook her head, "Well have you ever try?"

"I c...c.." Lucy sighed and gave up on talking she knew she could never sing if she can talk.

Sean smiled " I heard that there is a country singer who always stutters but when he sings he doesn't" he said, but she stayed quiet.

Lucy thought for a moment "r..r...really?" she asked.

Sean beamed at her "Yeah so maybe you could try and sing with me or we could just talk or if you want we could sit in awkward silence"

"n..no m..m...more s..s..silence" she stuttered.

~o~

Castiel was starting to get worried, he looked everywhere and he still couldn't find Lucy. He started thinking things like she hurt or kidnapped , or what if she's having a breakdown. Sam saw how worried he was and walked over, "Cas what's wrong?"

Castiel looked up at him "I can find Lucy" he said frantic "She ran off, and I've looked everywhere and I just can't find her" he said and Sam saw his eye swell with tears.

"Cas it's okay we'll find her" he reassured him when he saw her holding hands with a young boy laughing and talking. She never talks to kids, she shy and afraid of being judged. "Cas she right there see" he said and Castiel wiped around and sighed in relief when he saw her, he also had the same questions Sam had.

He walked over to her and knelt down in front pulling her into his arms. "where have you been?" he asked pulling back to look at her. " I've looked everywhere for you" he said.

"I..I'm s..s..sorry d..d...daddy S...Sean and I w..w..were t..talking" she stuttered and looked to Sean who was looking down at the ground then up at her and Castiel.

"I'm really sorry we worried you Mr. Novak we didn't mean to" Sean said.

"No Sean its fine I'm just glad your both safe"

"D...daddy I h..have a t..t..talent" she said jumping up and down.

He smiled "really what is it?" he asked.

She beamed up at him "Day after day I'm more confused yet I look for the light in the pouring rain" she sang not one word coming out as a stutter. "you know that's a game that I had to lose and I'm feeling the stain... Oh ain't it a shame."

Castiel watched her in confusion, how was this possible she stutters when she talks yet not when she sings. Castiel pulled her into another hug " I love you honey" he said.

~o~

Lucy had opened all her presents and said thank you to everyone, even the people she didn't know. John went over to her and picked her up "Hows my granddaughter doing?" He asked.

"G...good y..y..you?" she said yawning a little.

"Oh no is someone tired?" she nodded rubbing her eye with her tiny fist. "Well everyone went home and the stars are out you want to go look at the stars?" she nodded. When they got outside Sam and the four brothers were already laying on the grass looking at the sky talking... or fighting.

"Look the Little Dipper" Gabe said pointing at the sky.

"Idiot that's the Big Dipper" Lucifer argued.

Castiel tilled his head to the side "No I think Gabe's right that's the Little Dipper" he said.

"Fine than wheres the Big Dipper?" he asked.

"Up your ass with that stick" Gabriel joked which caused Sam and Castiel to laugh.

Lucifer glared at them, "your all dicks" he said and they laughed harder.

John Cleared his throat and they looked up at him "Mary and I are leaving and the little one wants to look at the stars with you" he said and placed her down. She slowly walked over to Castiel, and cuddled up next to him laying on his chest and soon fell asleep there.

~o~

Dean sat in bed looking at a picture he had of Lucy "Happy Birthday baby" he whispered before placing the picture down, and laying down and falling asleep.

~o~

Hello thank you for reading, and please review.

A/N: The next chapter will be three years in the future.


	4. Field Trip

Sorry it took so long to update I'll try and write fast. Anyway on to the next chapter.

~3 year later~

Dean was up a six to get to work earlier then usual. Deans new job is at a history museum a few minutes away from the house, he remembered going there as a kid Cas loved it there. Dean then shook his head he was totally over Cas, he'd moved on and didn't miss him after all its been three year since he left. Dean grabbed the car keys sighing as he walked out the door.

Chuck was waiting for him at the door smiling widely, when Dean walked through the door right away Chuck started talking. "Are you ready for the first grade students today Dean" he said.

Dean smiled Chuck was an odd guy, little jump but he was nice "Yeah I'm good" he said.

Chuck nodded "Good cause you need to fill in for Becky" he said walking away.

"Woah, woah... No Chuck"

"But Dean you have to your the only other tour guide, please"

"No Chuck I can't be a tour guide for these kids man" Dean pleaded.

"Come on Dean why not?"

Dean glared at Chuck for that question "You know damn well why" he said with a dull but firm tone.

Chuck swallowed, he knew he was gonna get punched for this "Dean I know what happened between you and Cas was hard, but come on it's not like this school is her school" he said " it's like what a one in a million chance Lucy will be on this field trip" he said.

Dean nodded "Okay fine, fine I'll do it" Dean said walking to sit at the front desk. The group of kids would be here in a few minutes and Dean was praying it wasn't Lucy's school. When the bus pulled up outside Dean went to stand in front of the "Wall of Presidents" as Chuck called it, the Kids formed a blob in front of Dean all chatting and talking. Dean smiled at the teachers "Quiet down please!" he yelled over the kids, them all stopped looking up at him. He smiled scaling over the crowd "Welcome to the History Museum I'm your guide Mr. Winchester who will be telling you all about America's history" he said. Dean then moved to the side "This here is our Wall of Presidents" he said pointing up to it.

The kids moved forward looking at the long line of leaders, all the kids circled around it except for one. A little girl who stood back looking at the floor, her dark hair falling in front of her face. Dean sighed and walked over to her kneeling down "Don't you want to look at the wall?" he asked think it sounded stupid.

"N...not r..really" she stuttered clenching her fist angry with herself.

Dean now understood, she stuttered and was probably teased for it "Okay... whats you name?" he asked.

She looked up at him "L...Lucy" she said.

Dean's heart stopped and he felt himself go pale, "T.. thats a beautiful name... can you excuse me for a minute?" he said getting up and walking over to Chuck. "She's here, oh my god Chuck she's here" he said panic setting in.

Chuck looked at him "Who?"

"My daughter"

"What!" Chuck shouted.

"This isn't good" Dean said "I'm gonna be sick" he said.

"Woah Dean hold in there she's fine okay she might not remember you" Chuck said taking a step back looking at the children.

"Chuck that doesn't make me feel any better thank you very fucking much"

"That her?" he asked pointing at Lucy, Dean nodded "Well did you talk to her is she okay?"

"Chunk she um... she" Dean pause guilt setting in, this was his fault she was messed up because of him.

"Dean she what?... Dean!"

"Dammit Chuck she has a stutter"

Chucks mouth hung open "that's fine it could go away" he said Dean glaring at him again "Okay what you need to do is stay calm and go do your job" he said turning Dean around and giving him a nudge. Dean was about to walk over when Castiel came into view, Dean stopped dead and his knees went weak this can't be happening. Dean took a deep breath to calm himself, Castiel couldn't yell at him he was after all doing his job.

Castiel walked over to Lucy's teacher smiling "Sorry I'm late I had to drop my brother off at work" he said.

She shook her head "No Mr. Novak it's fine the important thing is your here" she said with a bright smile. Castiel nodded then walked over to Lucy and grabbed her hand kneeling down to talk to her.

"Hey ladybug" he said and she smiled up at him.

"Y...your l..late" she said.

He laughed brushing her hair out of her face "Yeah well you can blame you uncle Gabe for that" he said and she laugh.

"Okay if you'll all follow me I'll show you the Wright brother's exhibit" Dean said and Castiel snapped up eyes widening when he confirmed that the voice he heard was Dean's. Lucy started to walk when Sean came up next to her.

"You were right the wall was boring" he said and she smiled, he didn't know why but he was able to read Lucy some how know what she meant by her eyes by the way her mouth curves even the way she walked. When the group started to move Castiel stood close to his daughter keeping a watchful eye on Dean.

Dean stopped at the top of a staircase, behind him was a replica of the first airplane and next to him was a picture, and information on the two brothers. "Okay who knows what the Wright brother's did?" he asked looking toward the children.

"Come on Lucy you know this" Sean said.

"Y..yeah L..Lucy c...come on" one of the other boy's mocked "Ow!" he cried when Sean kicked him as hard as he could.

"Sean!" the teacher yelled as a warning.

"Sorry Mrs. Mosley" Sean said.

"What's the matter Sean can't help but protect your girlfriend" the boy teased.

"Azazel that's enough!" the teacher said firmly.

Dean sighed rubbing his hands together "Alright" he said, " Wilbur and Orville Wright were the inventors of the very first airplane"he said "Now we have a fun little craft station where you can make you own paper airplane, and then when you've finished will test them out by flying them off the top of the stairs" he explained leading the children over to the craft table.

Castiel watched as Lucy and Sean made their planes together, his eyes wondered to where Dean was. Dean was leaning against the wall watching the children with a light smile on his face. Castiel missed him so much, he missed being held, kissed, and loved by Dean.

Dean smiled as he watch Lucy folder her plane laughing and smiling with her friends. Dean missed his family more than anything, but just seeing his daughter was wonderful. Dean's eyes moved to Castiel who looked away quickly, Castiel looked so beautiful his dark hair was messy in a way that only Cas could make look good. Dean took a deep breath straightening out his suit before calmly walking over to him.

"Hey Cas" he said.

Castiel turned to look at the man he loved so much "Hello Dean" he said his voice music to Dean's ears.

Dean smiled "It's good to see you" he said.

Castiel looked down and nodded "It's nice to see you sober" he said.

Dean frowned "Cas please.. I've changed"

Castiel looked up "And I'm happy for you Dean" he said.

"Castiel please give me another chance"

"Dean I've wasted my whole life giving you chances I... I can't put Lucy through that" he said looking over to the table "I don't even think she remembers you."

"Does... does she still have..."

"Fits? Yes she does it's not as bad as when she was smaller, but she still freaks out to somethings"

Dean's eye's widened "A...am I one of those things?" he asked.

Castiel shook his head "No if you were you would know" he said.

Lucy got up from the table to go show her father her paper airplane, but when she passed by a hallway Azazel and his friend Lilith pushed her into the hallway knocking her to the ground. Azazel Stood looking down at her "W..whats T..the m..matter" he mock laughing, Lucy looked up at him and said nothing. Azazel frowned when he didn't get a reaction "What your gonna go mute now" he said, but she just stood up and brushed herself off before turning to get her plane.

Lilith went over pushing her to the ground "come on Baby call for your daddy" she said, but still Lucy didn't say a word or cry out.

Azazel got impatient "Fine lets see how quiet you can stay" he said walking over to her, and picking her up by the waist. She kicked her feet trying to free herself "Azazel what are you doing?" Lilith asked following him.

~o~

Sean looked around for Lucy, but when he didn't find her he got up and walked over to her father. Castiel was still arguing with Dean when Sean walked up to them. He tugged on Castiel shirt "Mr. Novak" he said.

Castiel looked down to see Sean "What is it Sean?" he asked.

"Have you seen Lucy?" he asked "She said she was gonna show you her plane, and never came back" he said.

Castiel was about to say something when they heard a scream from by the stairs. Dean walked over to see Lucy hanging over the railing trying to pull herself up, but she was slipping "No!" Dean yelled running over to the stairs. Lucy's hands slipped and she stared to fall when someone grabbed her wrist. She looked up to see Mr. Winchester holding her by the wrist, and her father holding him by the waist.

Dean smiled down at her "It's okay honey I got" he said looking back to where Castiel was.

Castiel was using all his strength to keep Dean from falling "Dean!" he said through clenched teeth "I don't think I can hold on much longer" he said shifting his hands to get a better grip.

Dean nodded "Okay, okay we can do this" he said mostly to himself, he looked at Lucy "Lucy I need you grab my hand" he said extending his arm. Lucy reached up and grabbed it "Okay good.." he said smiling, but then his face got serious when he felt Castiel's grip give a little.

"Dean!" he shouted.

"Okay! Lucy I need you to trust me. Do you trust me?" he asked looking her in the eyes. Lucy felt safe in his gaze there was something familiar about them. Without another thought she nodded "Great, I'm gonna do something that might scare you, but don't freak out okay" she nodded again. Dean took in a deep breath before pulling her up quickly, and letting her hands go before quickly catching her under the arms. Dean let out the breath he was holding, Lucy was now close enough to hide her face in the side of Dean's neck. Her arms were also wrapped around his neck;

Castiel felt the tug and tightened his grip "Seriously you wanna make it a little harder to hold on to you!" he yelled as he tried to pull them up.

"Cas I need you to turn me over" he said.

Castiel looked so confused "What?" he said.

"Just do it!"

Castiel took in a deep breath before trying to turn Dean over. Dean groaned as the railing dug into his thigh, he felt Lucy wrap her legs around him "good girl" he said. When Dean was full on his side he saw Mrs. Mosley "Here take her" he said and she rushed over reaching for the child, and Lucy turned grabbing onto her teacher.

Castiel pushed at Deans hip when Lucy was out of his arms "Come on" he said. Dean was about to sit up when his grip gave way, and he started falling back. Castiel quickly moved between Dean's legs, and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt pulling him forward so fast that Dean fell on top of Castiel. Dean looked down at the man under him, and they locked eyes for a moment before teachers and parents crowed around them to make sure they were alright. Dean stood up allowing Castiel to sit up; Castiel was about to stand when Lucy ran into his arms crying and trembling.

Castiel wrapped her in a tight hug and let out a calm breath "Its okay honey" he said standing up holding her in his arms. He looked over to where Dean was to find that Dean didn't look happy.

Truth was Dean was happy that Lucy was safe, but what broke his heart was that to her he was just a stranger who did a good deed not someone who loved her with all his heart. He felt the tears sting his eyes, and when he saw Castiel looking at him he just gave a weak smile before walking away.

~o~

Castiel was told that he could take Lucy home early if he wanted to, and he chose to take her home so she could calm down. He was putting her in the car when he saw Dean walking across the parking lot "Stay here" he told her before walking after Dean.

Dean wiped his eyes as he got close to his car "Dean!" Castiel yelled from behind him. Dean stood frozen as he heard Castiel approach he wiped his eyes again. "Dean?" Castiel said as he walked in front of him, Castiel was shocked to see Dean crying "Dean I... I just wanted to thank you for saving Lucy"

Dean nodded "N.. No problem " he said as his voice broke.

Castiel nodded "I know you won't believe me but..." he paused "I..I do miss you" he said.

"Then why won't you give me another chance Cas just one more" he said a sob escaping his lips.

"I..I just Can't" he said before walking away tears streaming down his face.

~o~

Long chapter because it's been awhile. Thank you for reading and please review!


	5. Shattered

Disclaimer: I don't own the song or supernatural.

A/N: Okay so this is a weird chapter so here's why if there talking and it looks normal like this "Dean loves Castiel" then their talking out loud, but if it's in italics like this _"Dean loves Castiel" _then it's in sign language.

~o~

Its been a year since the accident at the museum, and Lucy is in second grade with straight A's. Azazel and Lilith were expelled from school for putting Lucy in danger. Castiel also got his own place for him, and Lucy to live in that was right next to his brother Gabriel's house.

Lucy was going through some old boxes when she came across and old picture of her father kissing the man from the museum. She took the picture and went up to her Uncle Lucifer who was watching over her while her father was and work. "U...Uncle Lu..Lucifer" she said.

Lucifer smiled down at her "What is it honey?" he asked lifting her up and placing her on his knee.

She held the picture up "H...How d...does d..daddy k..know h..him?" she asked struggling to get the words out.

Lucifer got serious, but gave a light smile "well you already know your adopted right" he said and she gave a nod. "Okay well your daddy fell in love with this man, and got married then they got you" he said hoping for no more questions.

"d..do they n..not l..love a..anymore?"

Lucifer sighed "Well Dean went through a rough patch, and kinda screwed it up. He still loves you and your father more than anything, and I know your dad feels the same way."

"T..then W..why are t..they a..a..apart?"

"because you father has trust issues" he said before placing her down "now go play outside I think Sean will be here soon, oh don't tell your father about our conversation" he said and she smiled before running outside.

~o~

"Gabriel are you sure this is a good idea?" Sam asked worried as Gabriel dialed a number.

"No Sam I'm sure this is gonna end horribly, but they need to see the obvious.." he pause when someone answered the phone "Hey Cas look me and Sam have some good news, and we would like you and Lucy over for dinner... okay great see you then" he said before hanging up and throwing the phone at Sam "I got Cas you get Dean" he said before walking out of the room.

Sam sighed this was gonna end bad he knew it.

~o~

Gabriel was in the kitchen finishing up dinner while Sam set the table. Sam was reaching over the table when Gabriel came up behind him, and pressed himself against Sam while wrapping his arms around his waist. Sam smiled "Do you mind I'm trying to set the table" he said as he stood straight hiding Gabriel behind him.

"damn why arm you so freaking tall" he said letting Sam turn around in his arms.

Sam smiled before cupping Gabriel's face with both hands "I thought that's one of the things you loved about me" he said before placing his lips softly on Gabriel's.

"Mmm..." he hummed into the kiss before deepening it. They froze when they heard giggling from next to them. When they broke the kiss to look down they found Lucy smiling up at them. Gabriel broke away from Sam to pick her up "What's up turkey?" he asked.

Lucy smiled before pointing at her father as he walked through the door, Gabriel looked at her with confusion. She giggled before pointing at her father and then at her nails, and Gabriel got the hint then looked at his brothers nails to see they were painted a very bright pink. Gabriel broke out in laughter, but Lucy stopped him so she could show him that the same thing happened to Lucifer. Gabriel smiled "So how was the nail salon?" he asked before for cracking up.

Castiel and Lucifer both glared at him "Not funny Gabe" Castiel said closing the door.

"_I think it's silly" _Lucy sighed to her father. Lucy learned sign language about a year ago along with most of her family, just so she can communicate better.

"I know you think it's funny" he said walking over and kissing her cheek.

"Now I don't know I think I look good in pink" Lucifer joked looking at his nails..

Castiel laughed when the door opened, and Mary, John, and Dean came through the door. Castiel frowned when he saw Dean smiling, and laughing with John. Mary went up to him to kiss his cheek, but Dean and John were to busy talking that Dean didn't even see him yet. Then Mary went over to Lucy as Gabriel put her down, and tickled her stomach a little causing her to laugh which got Dean's attention.

Castiel saw how scared Dean got, and Castiel's heart sank with the guilt and sorrow yet he was still frightened of what might happen to Lucy if Dean comes into her life. Lucy ran over to John, and Dean took a step back. John smiled lifting her into his arms "Gosh kid your get big" he said "so what did you do today?" he asked, and Lucy started to sigh her hands moving slow so John could keep up. Dean on the other hand was completely lost: "Oh you did, well I'm sure their nails look wonderful" he laughed.

John then put her down, and she was about to walk away when she stopped. Castiel looked frightened at this, but then she turned and ran at Dean hugging his waist. Dean froze looking down at the small child, and the whole room fell silent. Dean gave a small smile before bending down, and hugging her back.

"I m..m..missed y..y..you" she said.

"I missed you too" he said back before letting her go, and watching her run over to Castiel. Dean stood straight smiling at Cas who just turned, and walked into the kitchen. Lucy frowned at her father then looked to Dean, and saw just how sad he looked.

They then all heard Gabriel "Diners on the table!" he yelled, and everyone slowly made their way to the table.

Castiel sat next to Lucifer, and in front of Lucy. Dean the at the end of the table with Mary to his left, and John to his right. Sam was at the opposite end of the table with Gabriel to his left and Castiel to his right. They sat, and ate while talking to each other "So Lucy I hear your gonna sing in the talent show" John said "Do you think we could hear you sing the song you've chosen.

She shook her head "It's a s..s..surprise" she said with a smile "B..but I c..could s..sing a..another" she said.

Lucifer clapped "Yeah! Let's hear" he shouted in excitement throwing his hands in the air causing Castiel to smile.

Lucy looked at her father then t Dean, and thought for a moment "O..okay" she said she knew the perfect song.

"you took my hand

you showed me how

you promised me you'd be around,

uh huh that's right.

I took your words, and I believed

in everything you said to me.

If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone,

I'd stand up, and punch them out."

Dean was shock at how well she sang, and Dean could relate to the song. He glanced at Castiel to find Castiel quickly looking away, and all Dean could do is smile.

"Cause their all wrong.

I know better cause you said forever and ever.

Remember when we were such fools

and so convinced and just to cool

Oh no no no

I wish I could touch you again,

I wish I could still call you friend.

I'd give anything." She stop singing, and smiled as everyone started to clap.

"Well done kiddo" John said.

After they were done clapping Mary decided to make things complicate like every mother does "so Dean honey hows work been going"

Dean thought for a moment "Good Same as always" he said looking at Lucy who was Beaming at him. "tho I have to say I haven't had to save any little girls that almost fall off a balcony" he said.

Lucy giggled before looking at her father who was pushing food around his plate. She looked back at Dean, and with out thinking sighed him a question. Dean looked confused "She asked if your still a tour guided" Mary said.

"Oh well no actually I'm now the Second Manager" he said.

"Well that must be nice right Cas" Mary said.

Castiel couldn't find anything to say so he stayed quiet. Then the table shook, and Castiel winced grabbing at his knee. He glared at Gabriel who pointed at Lucy who was giving her father her angry look "_Be nice"_

Castiel's mouth hung open in shock before sighing back "_I am being nice"_

"_Then say something to him" _

"_what am I suppose to say?"_

"_That you still love him"_

Castiel frowned "_What?"_

Lucy held up the picture then pointed at Lucifer. Lucifer frowned "_What did I say?"_

"_not to talk about the Conversation which I didn't" _

Castiel looked at Lucifer "you told her?" he shouted.

"She asked about it what was I suppose to say, he something on his face, and you were just trying to get it off?"

"No that makes it worse you moron!"

Lucy kicked him again "I s..said b..b. n..n..n..nice!" she yell at him her stutter getting worse because she was frustrated.

Castiel looked worried "Honey calm down please your..."

"My T..t t..t talking is f...f...f..fine" she forced out interrupting her father "I j..j..just w..want a r...r..regular f..f..f..family" she whispered mostly to herself knowing her father wouldn't listen to her.

She stood from her chair and went to walk away "Lucy" Castiel said.

She quickly turned "_I know your trying to protected me and I don't know what he did, but the past is gone what you need to see is the love in his eyes when he sees you" _her eyes filled with tears "_everyone here can forgive him,but you. You still love him I'm eight, and I understand it I see it why wont you" _she wiped her tears away, and wrapped her arms around herself in a personal hug.

Castiel looked down knowing she was right, but then Lucy's cup that was on the edge on the table fell. Gabe tried to catch it before it fell, but he just missed it. When it hit the floor it shattered in to little peaces, but the sound traveled to Lucy's ears. This cause memories to flood her mind of the love her father once had, the family she had that shattered in front of her, and just like Gabriel and the glass she couldn't stop it from breaking.

Her eye's shut, and she covered her ear as if to stop the events "NO!" she cried before falling to the floor, and starting to scream, and kick. Dean's was shock at his daughters actions,but before anyone could move Dean was rushing over to her. His chair forgotten on the the floor; he grabbed her , and pulled her into his arms holding her through the pain, and memories. She cried, screamed, and kick as Dean held her close as tears from his own eyes fell.

~o~

When she finally calmed down Dean lay on the couch with her asleep on his chest. Every now, and then she's twitch in her sleep, and Dean would smile while rubbing her back. He knew Castiel would make him go home soon leaving him, and his daughter behind.

~o~

Took awhile, but I finished it. Please review!


	6. You see me now

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long just a quick warning there is a hint of Castiel/Crowley.

~o~

"Alright Lucy, it looks like our time is up."

"Okay t-thank y-you Dr. E-Eli," Lucy smiled hopping down for the couch. Eli led her to the door.

Castiel stood when he saw his daughter. "Hi honey," he said taking his daughters hand.

"Um…Mr. Novak may I speak with you for a moment, in private," Dr. Eli asked.

"Yeah, sure," Castiel smiled looking down at Lucy. "Wait here, okay," he said before following Dr. Eli into her office.

"Please Castiel, have a seat," she said. "I need to ask you some questions about Dean's relationship with Lucy."

"They don't have any relationship," Castiel frowned and stated firmly, "He doesn't go near her."

Eli sighed and took her glasses off, "I understand," she said, "but I mean before you left him, did he do anything with her? Hobbies, maybe?"

Castiel braced his elbows on his knees "When Dean was…sober he used to take her on car rides. Y'know to the park or something. They would listen to the radio, and Dean would sing to her." Castiel smiled, "he always used to sing to her."

Eli nodded, "Well Castiel, after being Lucy's therapist for these five years, I think I know why she has problems speaking." Castiel's eyes lit up as she continued, "She knows she used to have a family…two parents, whether it was boy-girl or boy-boy she remembers…a whole family," she explained. "And when it shattered she felt there was no need for her words because it couldn't change anything, ring any bells?"

Castiel sighed and closed his eyes, "Stop was the last thing she said before Dean hit her."

"Yes," she said. "Now this could be why shattering glass seems to trigger her break down. To Lucy, it's a metaphor for her broken family. Even with the loss of that family and the damage caused, one truly good thing she remembers is Dean singing to her. I believe this is why she sings so beautifully…without stuttering."

At this Castiel seemed to be lost in thought and started when Eli spoke again, "I think it may be time for you to let your new partner move in. You have told me, more than once, that you want him to."

"But what if she's not ready?" Castiel asked.

"No one is completely ready for anything," she said "We merely prepared for what's to come as best as we can."

Castiel nodded and stood, "Okay, thank you Dr. Eli."

"There is no need to thank me Castiel," she said shaking his hand.

~o~

Lucy sighed before opening the door to the museum; she walked up to the front desk rubbing her hands together.

"May I help you?" the woman asked.

"Is D-Dean W-Winchester h-here?" Lucy asked.

"Um…Yeah, let me get him, wait here," she said before walking to find Dean. "Dean!" she said rushing over to him.

He was standing talking to Chuck when he heard his name "Jo?"

"Dean um, didn't you say your daughter had a stuttering problem?"

"Yes, why?" he asked giving her a weird look.

Jo said, "Um, well you see…there's a girl here."

"Yeah we get kids here a lot," he joked.

"Yeah well, she's looking for you, and she has a stutter," she said.

Dean's eyes widened and his face went pale, "I'm gonna be sick," he said leaning against the wall. "Why? How did she get here?" he asked.

"Didn't say, she just asked to see you," Jo replied.

Dean looked at Chuck. "Go," Chuck said, "take the rest of the day off."

Dean nodded "Thanks," he said before rushing over to the front desk.

"D-Dean!" Lucy yelled running over to him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked kneeling down.

"I m-missed y-you," she said.

Dean smiled brushing her hair behind her ear, "Your face is red. Did you walk all the way here?" he asked. She nodded and Dean shook his head, "It's freezing outside; where is your coat?"

Lucy looked down; Dean's heart started to race. "Does you father know your here?" he asked. Lucy shook her head. "Damn it!" he cursed and she flinched. "No honey, it's okay," he said before standing and grabbing his leather jacket. He wrapped it around her and picked her up, walking out of the museum and to his car.

He opened the door to the back seat, "Stay here," he said before closing the door.

She watched him call someone, and comb a hand through his hair in frustration. She could hear him yelling at the other person before he slammed the phone shut and leaned against the car. A few minutes later she saw her dad's car and watched as he got out of the car. Then the fighting began.

"Where is my daughter?" Castiel asked firmly.

"In the car where it's warm," he said. "Why weren't you watching her?" he asked

"I was!" he shouted, "I turned my back for a minute and she disappeared."

"She was outside without a jacket!" Dean shouted back. "What if she gets sick? Or got hit by a car, Castiel?"

"What gives you the right to judge my parenting skills!" Castiel shouted taking a step forward.

"Because they're shit!" Dean shouted taking a step forward.

They were in each others personal space, Dean glaring down at Castiel.

"You let her outside when it below fucking freezing, Castiel!" Dean shouted pointing back to his car. "She didn't have a jack or even a long sleeve shirt on! This is you definition of good parenting?"

"How dare you? You don't understand! You aren't a single parent!"

"I don't understand?" Dean shouted. He didn't even feel the cold because his blood was boiling. "Before my parents retired I practically raised Sammy on my own. I had a job at thirteen thanks to Bobby, and I had to deal with you and your fucking family issues!" Dean's voice broke at the end as tear streamed down his cheeks. "I helped you through your rough times; I saved you from your dad kicking the shit out of you more times then I can count! And you wonder why I started drinking?"

Dean was using all his strength to keep himself from punching Castiel in the face. But Dean didn't have to, because Castiel's fist connected with his jaw, and Dean fell back against the Impala. The back of Dean's head caught the top of the car, and he blacked out for a moment sliding down until he was sitting on the ground.

Lucy couldn't take it anymore; she opened the door on the opposite side of where Dean was sitting. She ran around the car and into Dean's arms, the leather jacket falling to the ground as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She sniffled a little and nuzzled against his neck "I s-s-sorry I-I … d-didn't w-w-w-want y-you to g-get hurt," she cried as she shivered.

Dean placed a hand on her back and looked up at Castiel, "Shhh. I'm fine," he said grabbing the jacket and placing it over her shoulders. Dean stood up slowly, his head pounding with pain. "I'm fine," he said again before passing her to Castiel who looked shocked.

Castiel held Lucy close, "Dean I..."

"B-b-blood," Lucy stuttered turning in her father's arms to show her hands. They were covered in a crimson red, "D-daddy!" she whined.

Dean slowly touch the back of his head, before looking at his hand that now how ruby colored finger tips, "Look at that," he said feeling light headed and leaning against the car.

"Dean, careful," Castiel said putting a hand on his chest. He put Lucy down, "Honey go open the car door," he said and watched her run off.

"Cas, m' fine" Dean slurred.

Castiel took one of Dean's arms and put it over his shoulders. "No, your not. Come on." he said leading Dean to his car. Lucy had opened the passenger side for him like he'd asked. He got Dean buckled into the car and helped Lucy into her booster seat, "Alright Lucy let's get you buckled in."

~o~

Dean winced as Castiel lightly pressed the back of his head, "Sorry," he said.

"S' fine" Dean said.

Castiel knelt down in front of Dean with his pen light, "Look at me and not the light," he said as he checked Dean's pupils. Dean's breath was soft as it ghosted across Castiel's face, he put the pen light down. "How's your head feel."

"I think I can feel my brain throbbing," he said.

Castiel gave a small smile. "Wait here," he said as he stood and walked away.

Dean sighed and cradled his pounding head in his hands closing his eyes. Why was he here? He shouldn't be, not after what he did to Castiel, what he did to Lucy.

Dean was startled awake by a cold pressure on the back of his head, and he flinched forward with a gasp. Castiel chuckle before Dean met his eyes. They were close, and they breathed each others air. Castiel gazed into Dean's eyes and saw the teenager he fell in love with all those years ago. Castiel slowly lean forward, and they were so close to a kiss.

"Cassie, darling," a heavy accent filled the air and Castiel jumped back. "My key doesn't work very well," the man said entering the room.

Castiel closed the first aid kit before standing and walking over to the man in a black suit. "We'll get you a different one then," Castiel said before kissing the man's lips.

"We don't have to; I was merely mentioning it to you," he said with a light smile.

Castiel smiled back and said, "Crowley this is Dean; Dean, Crowley"

Dean stood up, and the light headed dizziness almost made him fall back down. When his vision cleared, he walked over to the couple to shake Crowley's hand.

Castiel's heart pounded in his chest. He wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling this wasn't going to end well.

~o~

"Gabe you're gonna make me fat if you keep baking so much," Sam said around a mouthful of cookie.

Gabriel smiled as he walked into the room holding something behind his back, "You are a bottomless pit, Sam."

Sam swallowed his cookie, "What are you hiding?" he asked.

"Close your eyes," he said. Sam sighed but obeyed. "Okay, you can open them."

Sam opened his eyes to find that Gabriel wasn't in front of him. He looked down to find Gabriel on one knee, holding a cupcake with a silver ring that was slipped onto a cherry. Sam gasped, "Gabe!"

~o~

Thank you all for reading, and please remember to review.


	7. My Pastis What Keeps Me Away From You Tw

**A|N**: I am so sorry you had too wait so long for the new update. I'll try my hardest to get the next update up sooner.

~o~

"Nice to meet you" Dean said with a soft smile that was forced. Dean didn't like the looked of the guy, and there was something in his eye that made Dean's skin crawl.

"Ah, and you as well" Crowley said putting a possessive... or was it protective, arm around Castiel's waist.

Dean nodded and rubbed his palms together in the awkward silence that filled the room. Castiel looked between the two with a nervous feeling that twisted in his stomach.

Dean sighed as he looked at his watch "Well" he said breaking the silence "I should be leaving"

Crowley smiled "No please stay" he said "Sit down, after all... you look like you could use a drink" he said.

"Crowley!" Castiel hissed. He's never seen him act like this.

Dean gave a force smile and a friendly laugh as he bowed his head "Like I said I should be going" he said not looking up as he walked to the door.

Castiel turned around "Dean!" he said "I-I uh... Your car is at the museum" he said walking over to him "At least let me take you back" he said.

Dean shook his head looking up at him "I'd rather walk" he said.

Castiel didn't know why, but he didn't want Dean to leave. He need to think of something so Dean didn't have to leave "Uh... but you don't have your coat" he said "And like you said it's below freezing"

Dean frowned "I'll be fine Cas" he said anger building up inside of him. He then opened the door and left. How dare he try and be kind to me after all these years. He thought to himself as he walked down the street, the cold wind biting at his skin and the night sky making it hard to see through the falling snow. Who was he kidding, he love Castiel and that was his only chance to prove himself and he blew it. He was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't see the figure approaching him.

"Well, well, well" he heard as he turned "Dean Winchester"

Dean's eyes widened with horror as he backed up "No" he said.

The figure came closer "Look at you" he chimed.

Dean gasped when his back hit the wall of a house "Please" he wined.

Dean jumped when a hand hit the wall next to him "You haven't change a bit" Dean squirmed as a hand grabbed his hip and pressed him back. Dean turned his head away as he pressed closer "I'm glad to see you remember who you belong to"

"Fuck you, Alistair!" he spat.

Alistair laughed "Oh, what a filthy mouth you have " he snickered.

Dean gave a sigh of relief when the hand on his hip was gone, "We should fix that" Alistair said.

Dean then felt something hard hit his face, and he hit the cold ground before everything went black.

~o~

Castiel felt his heart clench when Dean slammed the door shut.

"Darling?" Crowley ask.

Castiel turned around "What is wrong with you?" he asked.

Crowley frowned "What?" he asked "Don't blame me for this"

"Well I'm not gonna blame him!"

"How can you defend him after what he did to you and Lucy?" he said.

Castiel then closed his eyes "Shit" he cursed.

"What?" Crowley asked.

Castiel walked passed him "I forgot about Lucy" he said sadly.

He entered her room to find her in bed crying softly, holding Dean jacket closely to herself. Castiel sighed before walking over to the bed, and sitting down next to her. Castiel place a gentile hand on her side "Honey?" he said quietly.

She rolled over to look at him with tearful eyes "Y-yes" she said.

Castiel's frown deepened "Come here" he said pulling her into his arms.

Lucy hugged her father close "W-why do y-y-you h-have to be s-so m-mean t-to h-him?" she asked looking up at him.

Castiel remembered everything that Dean did to him, how much he abused him and hurt him. But he knew that under all the booze that Dean drank that he loved him, and Castiel could help but wonder what caused Dean to start drinking. He sighed "You wouldn't understand. Not at this age" he said.

"T-this is o-o-one of t-those 'I-I'll t-tell y-you w-hen your o-older' things?" she asked.

Castiel let out a small chuckle "Yeah, I guess it is" he said. He kissed the top of her head "Did you washed your hands?" he asked.

She nodded holding up her pale little hands, "He's o-okay r-right?" she asked Dropping her hands down.

Castiel nodded "Yeah" he said looked over to her alarm clock and gasped "No wonder I'm so hungry... it's almost seven" he looked down at her "Wanna help me make dinner?"

She smiled and nodded.

"Great" he said standing and picking her up with a exaggerated groan "Your getting so big" he said. He kissed her cheek "I love you so much" he told her.

She smiled "_I love you too, daddy" _she sighed.

He walked out of the room "I have someone I want you to meet" he said entering the living room.

"W-who?" she asked.

Castiel placed her down "Crowley this is Lucy" he said.

Crowley smiled down at her "Hello my dear" he said.

Lucy frowned and hid behind her fathers leg.

Castiel smiled "Lucy it's okay you don't have to be afraid" he told her.

"I promise you I don't bite" Crowley said crouching down so he didn't looked so intimidating.

Lucy took a step out from behind her father, and studied the man in front of her "a-are you m-my d-dads b-b-boyfriend?" she asked tilting her head.

Crowley laughed "Yes I am, but do tell your father this" he said leaning closer "I think your more adorable than he is" he said.

She giggled "I t-think we c-could be f-friends" she said.

Crowley let out a breath "I'll glad, I've been worried you wouldn't like me" he said. There was a moment of silence were Lucy and Crowley stared at each other as if they were getting to know each other.

The silence was broken by a odd grumbling sound. Crowley looked up at Castiel who had a hand on hi aching stomach.

Castiel blushed "What I haven't eaten all day" he said.

Crowley stood up "Well then we better get you fed" he said looking down at Lucy "after all... we don't want Daddy to get to hungry, or he might chew off his arm" he joked.

Lucy giggle as he father nudged Crowley playfully "Come on honey lets go make dinner." he said.

Crowley smiled and picked Lucy up into his arms "Wonder what we're going to make" he said.

She smiled, but she still didn't like it that her father had found someone else. She was still hope he would get back together with Dean, hoped he'd forgive him.

~o~

Gabriel walked up behind Sam who was looking out of the window, he was frowning from worry. Gabriel wrapped his arms around his fiance, and rested his head on his shoulder.

Sam turned so he could wrap his arm around Gabriel "He would of just not showed up without calling" Sam said with a worried tone.

Gabriel frowned "Maybe he forgot"

Sam shook his head "Dean doesn't forget anything, you know that"

Gabriel sighed "Well did you call your parents... Cas?" he asked.

Sam looked out the window again "No I only called him"

"How about you call your parents and I'll try Cas and Chuck... And also Call Bobby and Eleanor" he said walking to get his phone.

Sam pulled out his phone with a sigh, and dialed his mom.

~o~

Castiel was sitting on the couch curled up next to Crowley as they watch a movie. Castiel yawned and rested his head on Crowley's shoulder.

Crowley smiled leaning over and kissing Castiel's lips softly.

"Mmm" Castiel hummed as he opened his eyes "I think you should come see your new room" he said tiredly.

Crowley laugh "Okay, lets go darling" he said standing up.

Castiel stood up for about two seconds before his legs gave out from being in the same position for an hour. He groin "shit" he cursed.

Crowley laughed "Maybe you should walk more" he joke.

Castiel smiled "It's because I have to sit at a desk all damn day" he said.

Crowley bent down, and put his arm under Castiel's knees and one at the middle of his back. He slowly lifted him into the air "What did you expect?" he asked "Your an accountant" he said as he carried Castiel to the bedroom.

Castiel smiled as Crowley placed him on the bed gently. Castiel was about to say something when his cell went off. He pulled in out of his pocket "Hello" he answered.

"Sam calm down"

"How can I calm down! We've called everyone!"

"Gabriel?" Castiel said as he listened to them yell.

"Hey Cas" he said as Sam continued to shout in the background "Can I asked you something?"

Castiel frowned "Yeah, why? What's wrong?" he asked.

Crowley frowned as he listened too Castiel talk.

"Is Dean with you?" he asked "He was suppose to come over at six, but never showed and he didn't call or answer his phone"

Castiel started to worry, he shouldn't of let him walk to his car. "He was over earlier, because we had a fight and he hit his head." Castiel said as he started to panic.

"You let him walk home!" Sam yelled.

"Sam calm down!" Gabriel yelled taking the phone off speaker.

"How can I calm down?" Sam shouted "My brother is out there somewhere freezing to death!"

Castiel started to hyperventilate as he listened to the conversation on the other line.

Crowley walked over to him "Castiel" he said.

"Cas I got to go. We're gonna go look for Dean" Gabriel said before hanging up.

Castiel closed his phone "I need to go find him" he said standing up.

"Who?" Crowley asked.

Castiel looked at him "Dean" he said "No one can get a hold of him and he might be out there all because of me" he said walking out of the room.

Crowley followed behind him "I'm going with you" he said.

Castiel pulled his coat on "No I need someone here to keep an eye on Lucy" he said. He kissed Crowley "Please watch her" he asked.

Crowley nodded "Okay, be careful" he said as Castiel left.

~o~

I hope the wait was worth it. Please review.


	8. dark side by Kelly Clarkson

**A/N: **I'm very sorry it's taken so long to update! I've been trying to catch up with school and I was with out my computer for almost a month! This is NOT beta'd so you were warned. I apologize again for my absents! Please review!

~o~

Castiel ran outside to his car, the snow cold as it brushed against his face. He got in his car and slowly car, his heart pounded as he started the engine. How could he let Dean just run out like that He could tell Dean was angry, but where could he be.

Castiel slowly drove through the neighborhood looking for Dean everywhere. "Where are you" he said to himself gripping the steering wheel tightly. He knew very well now that these feelings for Dean were never going to go away. He loved Dean and he wasn't going to stop loving him.

His last option was to go to there old house, knowing Dean still lived there. He pulled into the driveway and painful memories filled his mind. He got out of the car and ran to the front door, leaving the car door open.

He pounded on the door hoping that Dean would answer.

Instead a very thin man answered "Can I help you?" He asked with an eery voice.

Castiel felt a chill creep up his spine "I-I'm looking for Dean Winchester"

The man smile "He's in bed" he said "Came home very upset for some reason. He was emotionally drained, I just carried him to _our_ bed_"_

Castiel's heart clenched "Oh" he said "I just wanted to make sure he got home okay. Sorry to bother you"

"Not a problem" he said closing the door.

Castiel walked back to the car with tears in his eyes. "Why should I care?" he asked himself. He started the car, he pulled out his phone and called Sam.

"Did you find him?" Sam asked.

"Yes" Castiel said "He's at home. He was exhausted and fell asleep"

He heard a sigh of relief "Thank god" Sam said.

"Yeah. I'll see you later Sam" he said.

"Yeah. Thank so much" he said "Bye"

Castiel hung up and pulled out of the drive home.

How long had Dean been dating, how long had he been dating the man Castiel had just met? Was he planning on telling him? Castiel shook the questions out of his head. It doesn't matter Dean isn't a part of his life anymore. He took a deep breath as he filled his mind with thoughts of his daughter and family, but still Dean's presents was in those thoughts of happiness. He sighed as he pulled into his drive way looking at the time. He spent over two hours searching for a man he couldn't stand.

He got out of his car and slowly walked up to his front door. He took a deep breath before pushing the door open. He was greeted with a concerned Crowley pacing back and forth.

He shut the door catching Crowley's attention.

Crowley looked at him with tired eyes "Did you find him" he asked walking over and wrapping his arms around Castiel.

Cas smiled "Yeah he's fine" he said hugging his boyfriend back.

"I'm sorry" Crowley said "I didn't mean what I said earlier"

Castiel sighed "I know" he said pulling back quickly kissing the corner of Crowley's mouth "looks like dinner together turned in to a sleep over" he laughed.

Crowley smiled "I'm afraid I can't tonight love" he said with a frown "I've got a meeting in a few days and I need to meet up with a few co-works early tomorrow morning."

Castiel frowned "Are you sure?" he asked "I don't want you to drive this late at night"

Crowley shook his head "I'll be fine" he promised walking over to the coat wrack, pulling his coat on "I'll see you tomorrow" he said placing a kiss on Castiel's mouth.

"Goodbye" Castiel said as Crowley left.

Castiel flopped onto his bed with a sigh, snuggling into his soft comforter as he slowly started to doze off. He was broken from his light sleep by a heart stopping scream. He shot up and started to run for Lucy's bed room before his brain registered it.

Castiel burst through her door flicking on the lights to see her thrashing in bed screaming, her eyes open and tearful. She was having another night terror.

Castiel quickly made his way over to her bed "Lucy baby wake up!" he tried to yell over her screams. He grabbed her shoulder and shook he "Lucy!" he shouted.

He winced a she continued to punch his chest.

Castiel grabbed her wrist and pulled her up soon he could sit with her in his arms. He slowly petted her hair trying to calm her down as she panted and kicked her feet, trying to squirm free from her father's embrace.

Castiel rocked softly back and forth hushing his daughter singing softly to her "There's a place that I know. It's not pretty there and few had ever gone. If I show it to you now will it make you run away? Or will you stay?"

He would never admit to listening to Kelly Clarkson, but some of her songs seemed to define his life. He song softly until Lucy stopped fidgeting and squirming. He sighed as he carefully lay down with her in his arms. He heart clenched as he dragged his fingers over the scars on his wrist that he hid with his watch. What was it that had Dean so upset? Castiel laid all of his problems on Dean after they got together as teenagers. What didn't Dean trust him with?

Castiel wasn't sure if he got sleep that night, and as he made Lucy breakfast before taking her to school his head pounded as the same questions asked for answers he didn't know.

~o~

Dean groaned as he started to wake, his head pounding and his eye swollen. He tried to recall to events of yesterday night.

He remembered going to Cas's after they got into a fight, and he remembered his dick of a boyfriend. Dean felt bile rise in his throat as he thought of Castiel finding someone new. He stood up on shaky legs and made his way to the bathroom. He filled the small cup up with water and winced as it slid down his dry throat.

"What else happened" he asked his reflection. He knew Castiel didn't hit him hard enough to cause his eye to swell shut. He remembered he left to go get his baby, but he never made it to the museum because...

"You're awake!"

Dean found it hard to breath and didn't even notice he dropped the small paper cup on the ground as he turned on his heels to find his worst nightmare standing in front of him.

"A little jumpy are we?" Alistair chimed in delight as he walked towards the bathroom.

Before Dean could stop himself he flung himself forward and slammed the door shut locking it quickly.

He heard a chuckle from the other side of the door "You knew I was going to find you sooner or later" he said "You should feel lucky... At least I didn't find you while you were with that young man I met last night"

Dean's breath hitched 'Cas was here?' he thought.

"He was a sweet little thing. And wit those blue eyes of his... Damn. I thought I was looking at an angel" Alistair laughed jingling the door knob "I bet his house wasn't to far from where I found you" Dean felt a chill creep down his spine "Now why don't you open the door sweetheart"

Dean closed his eye "Get the fuck out of my house!" he hissed.

"Aww, come on baby. Who are you waiting for? I'm the only one who can give you what yo deserve after what you did to your little girl. The only one who can love you..."

Dean's vision became blurred with tears as he brought his knees up to his chest and fisted his hands in his hair.

"You know I'm right. Your broken beyond fixing. I'm the only one willing to take you on and live with your fucked up being!" he cursed at Dean "Now _open _the door!"

Alistair stood there for a moment and grinned as Dean opened the door. Alistair stepped forward cupping Dean's "That's a good boy" he said.

~o~

I'm truly sorry for the very long wait from my last update I hope you liked this chapter! Please review!


	9. save me

**A/N: Hey guy's, I jst want to tell you that I'm sorry for neglecting my stories. I'm trying to update others as soon as possible, but school work\ personal problems are causing me toturn my stories in a direction I don't want them to. So I'm rethinking some chapters I have written for other stories incase you waiting on any of those. **

**Anyway! I hope you enjoy this chapter, don't forget to review. This chapter was not Beta'd so all mistakes are mine. **

**In this chapter Dean will give a brief summary of what happen between him and Alistair, I will go into it with great detail next chapter. **

~o~

Lucy hummed quietly as she walked down the street. Spring came quickly and flowers were growing and birds were singing. Lucy loved listening to everything happening out side, whether it was the sound of the birds or the cars driving by.

She sighed as she climbed the stairs to the door to the museum. She didn't know why but she always wanted to spend time with Dean, but her father wouldn't even talk about him. She tried to ask Uncle Sam but he got upset for some reason. She walked through the museum looking at the new exhibits they had put in.

After a few minute she started looking for Dean.

"Jo just leave it!" Dean said storming out of the lunch room.

Jo followed after him "I can't Dean!" She said turning him around "You have been my friend since high school. Hell I basically lived at your house!"

"Your point!"

"I know when somethings wrong. And ya' know you came in with a black eye yesterday and a broken arm today I think its obvious!" She whispered harshly as a group of people pasted by "The last time shit like this happened you were..." she trailed off not wanting to believe what she was about to say.

"I was what?" Dean asked

She swallowed "Dating Alistair" Her stomach dropped when she saw him turn his head away.

"Oh god, Dean please tell me he's not back in your life" she pleaded.

He looked at her for a second before looking passed her "What the hell?" he said squinting "Lucy?"

Lucy looked up at Dean "Dean!" She squeaked happily running over to him.

Dean walked over to her "What are you doing here?" he asked kneeling down with a wince.

She frowned as she looked over Dean's face "Are y-you o-okay?" she asked.

Dean nodded "I'm fine. Now what are you doing here? Does your father know?"

She shook her head "He d-doesn't let me s-see you"

Dean's heart ached "So you came here anyway?" he said

She nodded with a small smile.

Dean smiled "You're so stubborn" he said standing looking at the time. He swallowed, if they moved fast he could get back to work in time.

"Jo, Cover for me" he said.

She nodded "No problem"

Dean grabbed Lucy hand "We're getting you home"

She frowned but nodded "Okay"

Dean walked cautiously looking at every car that passed by.

Lucy stared up at him and the sling holding his arm. It was made out of a piece of cloth the was tied behind his neck.

She thought for a long moment not looking at the ground and tripping over a dip in the sidewalk. She felt the sting as concrete cut her knees.

Dean gasped quickly dropping to one knee "Lucy, you okay?" he asked.

She sniffled, nodding as she fought back her tears. She brushed her hands off on her skirt and slowly stood up.

Dean hissed as he looked at her scrapped knees, and the few small cuts that were bleeding. He looked at her face and saw the tears threatening to fall.

"Hey, its okay" he said cupping her cheek and wiping the tears away "We're almost there" he said. He carefully brushed the dirt off her knees before standing back up "Ready?" he asked holding his hand out.

She grabbed his hand and they began walking again, Dean nervously checking his watch as they neared the house. He sighed in relief to see Castiel outside looking worried.

When Castiel saw them walking he started to sprint towards them. He he stop and fell to his knees wrapping his daughter in his arms "Thank god!" he said pulling back "Where were you?" he asked "Never do that again! I thought I lost you."

Dean looked at his watch and his heart started to pound with fear. He was late! He had to get back to work. He stepped away from the two as Cas wrapped her in a hug, seeing this made the fear in his heart mix with depression.

"Dean?" Castiel said standing.

Dean looked up at him, giving a weak smile "She show up at the museum again... thought I'd walk her home"

Castiel frowned "Wheres your car? What happened too... you" He looked from Dean's face to his arm "Have you seen a doctor?" he said reaching to cup Dean's face.

Dean flinched back "N-no I fine! I-it's not t-that bad"

Castiel's brow frowned "Dean?"

"Dean!"

The anger in the voice made Castiel jump and quickly step in front of his daughter, but he was able to see how petrified Dean looked. His skin was pale and his eyes were wild, he was trembling. Castiel looked to where the voice came from and saw the man that was at Dean's house, his boyfriend.

"A-Alistair" Dean said, his voice shaking.

Alistair glared at Castiel who glared back, "What are you doing? You're suppose to be at work!" he shouted.

Castiel steped forward watching as Dean flinched at the mans words"I'm sorry, but he was bring-"

"Was I asking you!" Alistair snapped at him. He glared back at Dean "We are leaving!" he said grabbing Dean's arm.

Dean gasped, slapping his hand over his mouth and biting down 'Not here! Not here!' Dean repeated in his head.

Castiel felt his blood boil as he stepped forward ripping Alistairs hand off of Dean's **obviously **broken arm "What the hell is wrong with you!" He shouted.

Dean's eye's went wide and he braced himself to get hit.

Alistair smiled sickly at Castiel "Well, well, well" he chime "What a surprise. I would have thought you'd want this for him... I mean after everything he's done to you and your pretty little girl. He deserves this"

Castiel smiled back "Well, well, well looks like you were wrong!"

Alistair smiled "I'll see you at home Dean! Don't be late!"

Castiel stood his ground firmly until he was sure Alistair was gone. He then turned to Lucy "Get into the house and straight to your room." he said firmly.

She sighed before starting her way to the house.

Castiel waited til she was at the front door before turning around to face Dean.

Dean's eyes were frozen in the direction Alistair drove, Castiel took this time to study Dean's bruises. His eyes was a dark purple that faded out into a yellowish color, there was a small gash under his eye , most likely from a ring. Castiel slowly trailed his eyes down to dean's neck were the faint out line of a hand was slowly fading, the fingers outlined with a faded bruise.

"Dean"Castiel said softly catching the other man's attention.

Castiel watched as Dean met his eyes once before quickly looking away and swallowing "I-I have to get back to work" he said.

Castiel grabbed Dean good arm "No you come inside and explaining to me what exactly is going on!" he said firmly.

Dean's stomach flipped and he knew that if he had anything in his stomach he'd throw up. Dean allowed himself to be pulled over to the house and inside. Castiel made Dean sit at the kitchen table so they could talk.

Castiel sat in front of him, there was a long moment of silence before Castiel broke it "What are you doing Dean?" he asked

Dean said nothing, unable to think of an answer to satisfy Castiel.

Castiel clenched his jaw "Did he do that to you"

"No" Dean said flatly.

"Bullshit Dean!" He yelled his heart clenching when he saw Dean flinch. He took a deep breath before speaking again "Dean, you're better than this. Why are you letting this happen to you?"

Dean again wouldn't answer him, Dean watched as tears filled his eyes and knew he couldn't let Cas know how broken he was.

Castiel shook his head before standing "I'm going to check on Lucy. Do. Not. Move" he said walking away.

He walked down the hall and pulled out his phone calling Sam.

"_Hey, Castiel! Whats up?"_

"What do you know about Dean's new boyfriend?' he asked.

_'What boyfriend? Cas I haven't seen or spoken to Dean since mine and Gabe's engagement party." Sam said "You actually got a hold of him?" _

Castiel bit his lip "So you haven't heard from him for two months?" he asked knowing that it took at least a month for the beatings to start.

"_Yeah. Why? Whats going on?"_

"Do you know someone named Alistair?" He asked.

There was a moment of silence before Sam spoke.

"_Where did you hear that name?" _he asked in a worried tone.

Castiel's heart bounded in his chest, does everyone know about this guy but him?

Castiel jumped when he heard a loud bang from the other room "Sam... I got to call you back" he said

"_Cas wait wha-"_

Castiel hung up before sam could finish his sentence and ran to where he had left Dean. When he got to the kitchen Dean was slowly standing from the floor. Castiel rushed over helping Dean up, trying very hard to ignore how the man flinched away from him.

"I-I'm sorry, I stood up for a second and... got dizzy" Dean said quietly as he stepped away from Cas when he was on his feet.

Castiel looked at him questionably, Dean felt thinner. He's had Dean tackle him before there use to be more weight to him. Castiel swallowed "When was the last time you ate"

Dean looked up at him and smiled "What you gonna be my dietitian now?" he joked.

Castiel frowned and gave him a strange look, Castiel knew what he was doing. Castiel use to doing it before everytime Dean woke up after a bad night castiel would fake a smile and a laugh to keep Dean happy. Castiel went to look away when he caught a slight darkened spot on Dean's red shirt, "Are you bleeding?"

Dean frowned looking down at his side "N-no it's j-just a stain" he said.

Castiel crossed his arms "Take off your shirt"

Dean's head shot up "Don't you have a boyfriend?"

Castiel looked at him with soft eyes "Dean don't make me do it"

Dean stood up "I'm not gonna let you do anything"

Castiel sighed letting his arms fall to his sides "Dean what are you keeping from me!" he said "I told you everything about my life and I let you save me. Now why won't you let me help you?"

Dean looked away "Because I saved you just to break you again" he said looking up at Cas.

Castiel shook his head cupping Dean's face in his hands "You saved me Dean. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be alive"

For a long moment Dean and Castiel stared into each others eyes like they use to when they were together. Dean loved these moments and slowly enjoyed studying the different shades of blue within Castiel's eyes. Castiel started to slowly lean forward with out noticing, longing to kiss Dean's lips for the first time in five years.

Dean felt his heart race as he shifted closer to Castiel, their lips almost touching. They stood the for what seemed like forever, their noses brushing and breaths ghosting over each others faces.

Castiel's eyes fluttered shut as he closed the gap between them, softly kissing Dean's lips.

Dean melted into the kiss, finally feeling happy again as he deepened the kiss slowly moving his lips along with Cas's.

Castiel let one of his hands fall to Dean's chest, curling his fingers into the fabric of his button up shirt. his nails digging into Dean's skin making Dean jerk back and hiss. Castiel pulled his hand Back "whats wrong?" he asked.

Dean looked at him "I..."

Castiel stepped forward "Dean?"

"Alistair was my first boyfriend" Dean blurted out "He made me feel great at first, he told me that I was beautiful and that he loved me, and everyone told me to watch out and be careful. I thought it was just my friends being paranoid, but he started to beat me and... rape me!" he started to sob "I didn't know what to do, he said I'd be nothing without him, that I was filthy and disgusting, and that he's the only one that could deal with me, like I was some problem. Than we moved to get away from him and I found you, and you were broken and I spent all my time caring for you, it took my mind off of what happened to me and we got married and adopted a beautiful girl, but I could help but feel I wasn't good enough for all this that I didn't deserve it. 'Cause don't... And then... and then I turned into him!" he sobbed.

Castiel felt tears sting his eyes "Why didn't you tell me before Dean, I could of helped you. We'd still be married."

"I know" he said through choked sobs "But I didn't know how you'd react... If you'd throw me out and look at me with disgust!" he sobbed "I just wanted you to be happy about being with me"

Castiel frowned "Dean, I would have cared for you, just like you did me! When my mother was drunk and threatening to beat me you let me come to your house and stay for the rest of the night." he said as tears slid from his eyes "You held me and told me that in the morning everything will be fine! At times I felt selfish because I could never tell you the same, that I could never be your shoulder to cry on!"he shouted in anger and frustration " I will always love you Dean. No matter what happens, I've never stopped loving you."

Dean pulled Castiel into a strong hug not caring about the pain in his arm and cried into his shoulder "I love you Cas" he whispered.

They held on to each other for the first time in six years.

~o~

Please review! I hope you enjoyed the new chapter.


	10. I am so so Sorry

I am so sorry, I know this is long over due, but better late then never right!

Hope you enjoy!

~o~

Castiel sat next to dean in the waiting room of the hospital, Lucy was in the corner playing with a few toys the hospital had for kids. It took a while but Castiel finally convinced Dean to go to the hospital to get his arm checked out, and to take care of any other injuries Castiel was sure he had. Dean was nervous, his leg shaking and his eyes focused on the clock. Castiel wasn't going to let Dean go back to that house if he had to lock him in the bedroom for the night. He had called Gabriel and Sam so they could come and talk to Dean and try and help him out of this.

Soon enough Sam and Gabe rushed through the door, with John behind them. Castiel wasn't expecting him to be here, but he guessed Sam had called him. They made their way other, and Castiel stood to greet them. Dean kept his head down and chose to stay seated, not wanting to face his family.

"Hey Sam, Gabe... John" he hugged each of them. He could feel the anger in the Winchesters tense bodies.

"Thank you for calling us Cas." John said glancing over at his oldest son "We're going to fix this" the seriousness in his voice scared Cas, he'd never seen him this angry.

Sam walked over to Dean and sat next to him, he sighed not really knowing what to say. He hated seeing Dean like this again, he was so young when this happened he couldn't do anything. Now he could, he knew he could kill Alistair if he wanted to and no one could stop him. "Why... why didn't you call me?" he asked with confusion "We could have helped you."

Dean stayed quiet and shrugged not really knowing how to answer his little brother, he shouldn't have to deal with his problems. It wasn't his job to protect Dean, it was the other way around. Dean glanced at their father, he was visibly anger and Dean knew why. His father threw Alistair in jail last time this happened, but he was retired now. God knows what he'll do to him.

Dean looked at the clock, there was no way he was going to make it home in time, and he was pretty sure Castiel wasn't going to let him go home, not with Alistair there. He was broken from his thoughts when a nurse walked over to them, "Mr. Novak? The doctor will see you now" she said motioning for him to follow.

Castiel nodded with a smile and helped Dean out of his chair, "Come on" he said softly. Dean followed with him to the office where he was told to sit on the table and wait for the doctor.

Dean was sick to his stomach while he was waiting, Castiel was sat in the corner of the room. Dean didn't want him to see everything Alistair had done to him. He jumped when the Doctor opened the door, Greeting them both with a smile. He sat down in front of Dean "Hello Dean, as you already know I'm Dr. Anderson, hows your mother?"

Dean shrugged "Shes okay" His mother was a doctor at this hospital, everyone here knew his whole family. His mother had off today thank god.

"Alright, can you remove your skirt for me? Or do you need help?" He asked eying his arm that was in a make shift sling, Dean just shook his head. He slowly took the sling off and unbuttoned his shirt with his good hand. It took a while but he finally got all the buttons, and painfully shrugged off his shirt.

Castiel saw the stay Dean was in and it made him physically sick, his chest was covered in dark bruises and small cuts. He had bruises around his wrists and hand prints bruised into his sides, Castiels eyes seemed to focus on a blood soaked bandage on his left side. His arm that Castiel knew was broken was a deep purple and Castiel heard the doctor take a breath before taking his stethoscope and placing it in his ears. Dean flinched as the cool metal touched his skin, "Take a deep breath for me please" the doctor asked. Dean breathed in for a bit before his breath caught and he winced. " That hurts?" the doctor asked.

Dean nodded and hissed as the doctor place a hand over his ribs, Dean knew they were broken. The doctor side and place the stethoscope down "May I remove your bandage?" he asked. Dean again said nothing only nodded allowing Dr. Anderson to remove the bloody bandage. Underneath was about a three inch gash that needed to be stitched, even Castiel could see that.

"Well, I'm going to go get some supplies so I can stitch that up." he said before getting up and leaving the room. Castiel sighed looking over at Dean who had his head down. This is what has become of the man he loved so much, he couldn't imagine how he could have dealt with this when he was only a teenager. Castiel looked at the floor, he couldn't believe Dean would compare himself to that monster. Yes Dean beat him, but her never put him in the hospital.

Castiel wiped away his fresh tears away as the doctor entered the room. He was wearing a mask and had some supplies it his hands, he walked over and placed them on the small cart in the room. "Alright, can you lie down for me please?" he said and Dean carefully laid back on the table, his back aching.

The process was uncomfortable for Dean, but it wasn't painful for him. He took this time to think about what he was going to do. He couldn't just leave Alistair and never go back, he would come after him and he'd be putting Cas and Lucy in danger. Dean couldn't do that to them, he couldn't destroy them even more than he has already. He would have to tell Cas he wasn't coming home with them, he had to go back to Alistair to keep them safe even if that meant getting himself killed. Castiel was strong, he's raised Lucy all these years without him he didn't need Dean to stay with him. No one really needed Dean anymore. Dean closed his eyes as that familiar pain settled in his chest, the one that always made him feel as though he was drowning without any water around him.

"Alright, you're all stitched up" the doctor said backing away to take his gloves off and put them in the trash. Dean looked down at the bandage on his stomach, he carefully sat up not wanting to tear hit stitches. The doctor looked at him "Dean, do you wanna tell me how all of this happened to you?"

Dean avoided his eyes and shook his head, it didn't matter they couldn't save him now. "Dean" Castiel said firmly not believing Dean at this moment, he needed their help.

"Can I go home now?" he asked his head still down, he could hear the doctor hesitate to answer him. "I would really like to wrap that arm of yours." he explained " It needs to heal right"

Dean shook his head "Its fine" he said "I really have to get home." Dr. Anderson put his hands up, "You know as well as I do Dean I can't keep you here if you don't want to be here." Dean nodded then stood, putting his shirt back on.

"Dean you have to get your arm wrapped" Castiel said standing.

Dean sighed "I don't have to do anything, I especially don't have to listen to you." he snapped glaring at him "I didn't want to come here in the first place you're the one who made me come." he said walking out of the room.

Castiel ran after him "Dean!" he yelled running up to him "What the hell is wrong with you? I'm just trying to help." he put a gentle hand on Dean's shoulder, but Dean pulled away from him "Don't you get it Cas you can't help me!" he snapped "You are putting yourself and Lucy in danger by doing this." Dean shook his head not knowing the right words to say. He took a deep breath "I have to go back to him Cas. To keep you safe."

Castiel clenched his teeth and shook his head "We're I this together Winchester whether you want it or not. I refuse to let you go back to him, and I swear to god I will lock you in my basement if I have to." he said looking Dean in the eyes "We are going to call the cops and you are going to be safe... I'm not losing you again."

Dean sighed looking down at the floor "And what if I lose you during this Cas? You don't know what Alistair is capable of, if he gets a hold of you he's going to kill you." Dean looked up at him with tears in his eyes "Lucy can't lose you, she needs you more than she needs me, and I... I can't lose you Cas not again, and it'll be all my fault if I do"

Castiel cupped Dean's face "You're not going to lose me Dean, we can get through this. We could be a family again, you just have to trust me." He explained wiping away Dean's tears, his own voice shaking. He sighed "Lucy has been waiting for you her entire life you need to be there for her, she needs you just as much if not more than me... She needs both of us Dean... I need us." he was crying now, tears falling down his face "I've missed you so much Dean and I can't stand to see you like this, to see you with someone else kills me." he pressed his forehead against Dean's "It kills me even more knowing he's doing this to you... Please don't leave" he pleaded, begging Dean to stay with him.

Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel "I'm scared Cas" he sobbed moving to hide his face in the croak of Castiel's neck pulling him close "I need you" All Dean ever wanted to hear was that Cas needed him, that he wanted to be a family with him.

Castiel wrapped his arms around the back of Dean's neck "Then let me help you, please." Castiel couldn't express the happiness he felt when he finally heard Dean say "Okay"

~o~

Sorry again for the very much over due update. Let me know what you think!


End file.
